Oh no! I know the Saudi women interviewed are NOT blaming their husbands’ foreign wives drama as the main reason for the demise of their marriages. Although it is true that some foreign women pursue and seduce Saudi men, they aren’t holding a gun up to their heads and forcing these men to dispense of all their cash and time against their will.
If Saudi men are keeping their foreign marriages hush-hush then it should signal to the Saudi wives that they are well aware that their actions might not be accepted by the first wife and if they had no shame about the relationships or fear the consequences then they would be upfront about their foreign wives. All of the blame should not be placed upon foreign wives, Saudi men should have to account for and take responsibility for their choices and the effects they have on their Saudi families.
Saudi men have a brain, they can think for themselves however sometimes they lose their reasoning and start thinking with the thing between their legs. The brings me to the accusations that Saudi men are exploited. As if the men aren’t getting anything out of it! Men were created to be polygamous and Muslim men can have up to four wives. There were no limits placed upon which country the wives should be from. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was married to Maryam, an Egypian Coptic.
One Saudi woman suggested that marriages between non-Saudis and Saudis should be banned. Perhaps she doesn’t feel equal to non-Saudi women and is superior to them. I wonder how she would react if all marriages were banned in Saudi because of high divorce rates. The absolute solution to nobody getting divorced would be that nobody gets married in the first place right? Banning marriages between non-Saudis and Saudis would not be a solution to the marital woes between Saudi men and their Saudi first (second and third) wives. A Saudi man could still travel abroad and get married legally to a foreign woman in a country that does not discriminate between marriages of different nationalities.
The end of this article got my goat. Have any of you women reading this ever TRIED to stand in a line in a store, fast food restaurant, get on a bus or anywhere where there is supposed to be a line with other Saudi women in Saudi Arabia? Did you notice how some push you aside, shove you from behind, jump in front of you or go to the front of the line instead of the back of the line? My common complaint when I witness this is that patience isn’t one of their virtues.
I didn’t have a problem with the Saudi man advising other Saudi men to marry Saudi women, but he had the audacity to advise that Saudi women will share financial burdens. How could he say such a thing when Islam teaches that it is not an obligation of the wife to contribute to any finances? This is one Saudi man that I would not wish on a Saudi or non-Saudi woman.
Tara Umm Omar
Many Saudis Marry Abroad To Escape “Bossy” Wives
By Zein ‘Anbar
16 November 2008
JEDDAH – The Shoura Council’s recommendation to oblige Saudi men married to foreign women to assume responsibilities for their dependents and offspring has met with opposition from those who would like to see greater restrictions on marriages between nationalities.
The Shoura Council recommended that in cases where the Saudi husband and father cannot provide for his dependents, they be referred to the Charitable Society for the Care of Saudi Families Abroad.
Some Saudis would like to see the practice of marriage to foreign women banned altogether. They point to increasing rates of spinsterhood as one of its detrimental effects on society at large, and the fact that it takes up extra funds while the Saudi wife and children at home are neglected.
Amal Abdullah says many homes experience fragile stability after a man marries a foreign woman. She describes the motives as due to “elderly adolescence” and says that the existence of a foreign wife and children creates a rift in relations between the father and his children.
“I’m surprised the Shoura Council did not impose stricter controls on Saudi men marrying foreign women abroad. Marriage is a legitimate right, but its consequences must be carefully scrutinized, “she said.
Umm Abdul Rahman does not hide her disappointment at the Shoura Council decision. “We expected the Council to vote unanimously in favor of stricter controls on marriage abroad to prevent some of the damaging consequences. There are issues concerning providing a proper upbringing for the children and giving them psychological stability,” she said.
Umm Abdul Rahman relates the tale of a close relative who married a woman from an Arab country without the knowledge of his family. His constant traveling abroad and increased shopping expenses aroused his family’s suspicions, and they discovered that he was married to another woman. Despite claiming that marriage abroad was cheaper than in the Kingdom, his spending on every trip abroad was considerable. After tremendous pressure from his family, he divorced his second wife.
Umm Abdul Rahman believes the Shoura recommendation needs to be reconsidered and stricter controls on marriage abroad put in place to prevent Saudi men from being exploited financially.
Halah Muhammad tells of her father’s marriage to a foreign Arab woman. “After my father retired he and my mother were always fighting. He started traveling a lot and my brothers were worried that he would be exploited abroad, and their fears were proved justified. One day our father told us that he had married another woman abroad in search of the stability he could not find with our mother.
The marriage became the talk of the family, but despite pressure to divorce his second wife, he started living with her in her country for long periods, neglecting my mother completely. But my mother still did not ask for a divorce, because my youngest sister was still unmarried and my mother feared a divorce would affect her studies and future.”
Supporters, however, say that marriage should not take nationality into account, and that intra-nation marriages serve to cement relations between peoples. They also note that most Saudi men who marry foreign women are elderly or handicapped. Some Saudi youths say that marrying foreign women costs less and is more stable, and that after marriage Saudi girls become bossy and demanding and prefer their jobs to their marriage.
Others disagree, and point to bitter experience as their teacher.
Khalid, while traveling to an Arab country with friends, got to know of a family and one day was invited to visit them. They had a 25-year-old daughter.
“At that point I was not thinking of marriage, and I returned to the Kingdom. The family started asking me to bring them some things on my next journey, and I used to buy them gifts. On one journey, I asked the father for his daughter’s hand in marriage and he immediately agreed. The problems started when I informed my family.
I refused to back down from my decision and began to stay away from my family. After a while my fiancée started calling me to ask about what properties my parents had, how much money we had and how I would provide for her future,” he said.
“In the end, I canceled the engagement, as it would have been a marriage of convenience. I would advise any Saudi youth to marry a Saudi girl, as they are patient and will share the financial burdens.”