Interview With Andrea

Who are you? For my privacy I would like to keep me full name private but one of my names is Andrea.

Your nationality and country of residence: I am from Latin American and I currently reside in the U.S.

What is your job/hobbies? I am passionate about special education. Currently, I’m focusing on research on hard of hearing children and new ways of teaching them. However, I’ve been interested in the other branches of special education and working with these children.

Are you married to a Saudi: No, I am not. However, I live with him for almost two years.

When/where did you meet your Saudi? I met him several years ago in college. He was studying English and I was in college. As I always liked the Saudi culture and the charm of most of them, I have many friends from this country, so through some friends in common we met and started a “serious” relationship after some months of friendship.

Did your family accept your Saudi? Yes, my family knows and accepted him from the beginning. Everyone was very happy with our relationship and in fact we were all 100% sure about the love he felt for me.

Did your Saudi’s family accept you? I never actually got to know his close family (parents and siblings). Just I met some of his cousins, nephews and a close uncle who accepted me. Although he said his sisters knew about our relationship but now I doubt it.

Do you have children? My first child is about to be born and his father is my Saudi boyfriend.

Will your Saudi be involved in raising the child/children? So far, we keep in touch with him. He fills his mouth with billions of words, saying that he will give everything to our child but not his last name, that his child will know who his father is, and that he is going to visit him every four months. But so far he has not helped me financially to pay for the baby and less emotionally. So I am waiting to see if he really gets involved in the life of our son.

How do you feel about Saudis and non-Saudis marrying? Personally I have no experience in this. But talking to other foreign women who are married to Saudis say it is very difficult and that if they were to marry again it will not be with a Saudi. But I think many couples can succeed.

What advice would you give a non-Saudi involved with a Saudi? The only advice I would like to give is to be alert to certain signs that show a Saudi is serious with them. I think the main thing they should do is ask their boyfriends to meet their families, especially his mother because they are so protective of their son and if she does not agree that he marries you, he won’t do it. Also take some time to research on marriages between Saudis to non-Saudis and other stories around Saudi Arabia. And of course not all men are equal so good luck.
Why do you write? I had a relationship with a Saudi and I became pregnant, so he left me with no reasonable explanation. As I felt hopeless and desperate, I decided to start looking on the internet for women who have been through the same situation to find some support, but after a long search I found myself alone because there weren’t any pages talking about this. I thought I’d write about women in the same situation could share experiences, stories, to get some support from other women who spent or are living the same situation like mine, and more important to warning other girls who are in a relationship with Saudis to watch out and not to fall into a pregnancy, because it really is very harsh situation when you’re in love and left alone pregnant or with a child.

What are some examples of the main topics you write about? So far I wrote a little bit about my story to let other girls know that they are not alone. Likewise, I spoke of the feelings that I have personally gone through over the last 5 months because my situation is different from many others girls because my boyfriend still “loves me” so he has not left me 100% even if we are in different states, so for me it’s a very confusing and harsh situation.

In these 5 months I have been listening to several girls who have shared their situation with me. And I got a conclusion putting all the situations together because there is a very strong pattern when you tell your Saudi boyfriend that you’re pregnant, most of them get shocked and say, “I am not prepared to become a father, so the best we can do is have an abortion plus one thousand false promises”, so some girls believe their promises and abort but most of them prefer to keep the baby.

Some ideas about the topics I am going to write are: Sharing the experiences of girls who are willing to do it, the feelings that a pregnant woman might go through to be alone and be left by her partner, the abortion and the consequences, Islam and abortion (most of them take this as the main reason to ask you to do an abortion), the Saudi law of marriage to a foreigner (most say that if you do an abortion they will marry you), among other topics.

What benefits do you expect readers to get out of your blog and/or your writings? The most important thing is that girls who are going through a similar situation know that they are not alone, that they are not the only one going through this situation because every day there are more girls who have to face the pregnancy and raise their children alone. Unfortunately most of us started looking for answers and get the reality about our boyfriends after we got pregnant. I personally never took the time to go through the web and make a little research about the boys in Saudi Arabia because I blindly trusted him.

So, in the case of pregnant women I hope they find support and share their experience with other girls because sometimes it’s helpful to talk with someone who is going or gone through a similar situation. On the other hand, many Saudis are traveling around the world to study, “they fall in love”, have girlfriends but they never tell the girls the reality of being with them, I meant that is extremely hard that a Saudi family accepts a foreign plus the government have specific laws, and other important things that a girlfriend of a Saudi must know. I am not saying under any circumstances that they are bad because they are not, in fact they are the most charming men in the world (in my opinion) but girls who are involved with them should take precautions and not fall into a similar situation of millions of girls living their pregnancy without their partner and raising their children alone.

What are your hopes for the future? I really hope every time a girl is in this situation, she finds the support that I did not have when I was wearing her shoes. I think that as my son gets older, I’ll have new perspectives on this situation and will be easier to tell a girl do not worry it is not the end of the world, raise your son without a father but may be difficult, but absolutely I want to give a positive outlook for this harsh situation. On the other hand, I would love the Saudi government or their embassies around the world to see this blog and at least make their citizens aware about this is the situation that every day and it is growing more and more. And for sure prevent other girls from this demise.

Is there anything else you would like others to know? I just like to add that I am not against Saudis. In fact, I have many Saudi friends who I love with all my heart. However, I am not agreeing in the way many men of this country fool woman and leave their children without any remorse (well I believe that sooner or later they will get back to know about their son/daughters and fix their abandonment). Besides foreign girls should understand that it is harder to be with a Saudi man than any other man in the world because their culture, traditions and rules make it very difficult for a foreigner. Also, I am aware that over the world there are men who abandon their children every day.
Use this space to write anything else you would like to say: I would like to thank you Tara for taking the time and interest to interview me. I would also like to thank readers for taking the time to read this and I hope through this we can help other women in the same situation.

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Published by

Tara Umm Omar

American married to a Saudi.

19 thoughts on “Interview With Andrea”

  1. Tara, I really was intrigued by this particular post of abandoned mothers and children by Saudi men. I must get at least 10 letters a week from women who are involved with Saudi students to the USA and the women are in a difficult situation because they love these men, and the men seem to love them, but they refuse to introduce them to their Saudi family, plus, they often go out of their way to keep the relationship a secret. I agree with this post that it is important to meet the family. IF the Saudi boyfriend will introduce his sweetheart to his family (meaning parents) then he is usually very serious. If not, I would be very wary. I hate to think that these pregnant women get no support (emotional or financial) from the men they love, and sadly, once the children are born, too often they men return to Saudi Arabia, marry a Saudi woman selected for them by their families, and they never hear or see of him again. The Saudi embassy will not help them find these men, either. So, it’s a trickly situation. Thanks Tara for all your wonderful interviews, which are so enlightening.

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      1. Tara, sorry to say these particular Saudis have no honor or shame.It doesn’t exist in their vocabulary.They will do as they please when they are abroad as who are they accountable to? They have no fear of God. They are omnipotent.
        This is why so many families insist their son marry and take his wife with him when he goes to study abroad .A little insurance so he is not tempted to misbehave.

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  2. This is a rapidly growing problem. So many women have found themselves in Andrea’s situation. The embassy has been little to no help. With more Saudi students still coming overseas to study the problem will continue to happen when there is no consequences for there actions.

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    1. I would like to interview you for FHWS. If you agree, please contact me for the questions, emailfhws at gmail dot com. This problem is not talked about enough so I think we need to raise awareness as much as we can, wherever we can.

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      1. I would love to help in any way I can In getting all of us women together. Like most I get to hear the story’s of how these young men have no regard whatsoever towards their children. It is a pain I know too well.

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  3. First of all I am very sorry to hear these stories of Saudis abroad.
    It is a little too late to warn women who have been taken in by an exotic, different and exciting Saudi male.You are playing with a fire you will never understand. He will whisper all the right words,make all the promises while his goal is really only one thing. You fall for it and you get burned.

    You have no chance of financial compensation. You will raise this child alone. He will not visit. Please don’t delude yourselves into believing what pours forth from his golden lips. As we say in Arabic it is all Kalam Fadi; empty talk.

    I have said this before and I will say it again Saudi men are fatally flawed.They cherry pick at Islam and constantly play cultural cards.

    Yes, there are the exceptions but they are extremely few and far between.

    I have offered previously to support these women but they are reluctant to compile their cases so that this subject can get the exposure it deserves.

    Final point: Really take care of starting a relationship with a Saudi. It is much better not to.We all think that our relationship is so special and not like others. Please don’t be delusional. Saudis have the unique talent of compartmentalizing their lives. You are just one more of his little boxes whirling around in his dual life of East and West.

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    1. I do not understand the hesitation on the part of these women to expose these Saudi heart-breakers…are they afraid for their lives or merely ashamed/embarrassed? Making their cases public will hopefully open the eyes of other women so that they do not fall into the same trap. I’ve said in the past that universities abroad should include pamphlets at the beginning of the school year, warning against being involved in a relationship with a Saudi. My only concern is that it would be considered discriminatory.

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      1. All of the above actually. They pray on all of that! Swaying to your every need until POOF gone and Not a dam thing you can do. When you do stand up you are threatened not realizing that These boys family would most likely never kidnap these children.The children that are at risk of kidnapping are those who were of married parents and the family’s in Saudi Arabia put pressure on the son to get his children away from american influence. Most of the women here weren’t married and the families of these Saudi men will never accept these children!!!!! Then comes the embarrassing part ……….we are really perceived as whores to these men to find that out is really embarrassing for a woman to be lied to then be the one called a whore and pointed at as unclean ……SAD!!!!

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      2. I don’t understand their hesitation just like I am unsure of how many American women find themselves in this situation with a Saudi. I have offered to get this subject into the Saudi English & Arabic newspapers. It needs exposure but we also need an accurate compilation of details.
        Loving the idea of a pamphlet warning American women of Saudi male students;just a bit discriminatory. Also, from what I have read quite a few of these women are not students themselves.

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    2. I completely Agree !!!! Ladies once these Saudis men have “shown their stripes” why o why do we let that behavior continue? Then we have become delusional. Once our eyes have been opened and you hear the same thing over and over and you see how MANY of us there are its like Ladies come on…We are way to strong to let these men continue to run a muck!!!! I know each and every woman in this situation right now reading this is a strong and wonderful person who CHOSE to have and love these wonderful children. We need to fight this fight so our children wont have to in 20 years.

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      1. There are probably more that we’ll never know about, in other foreign countries who do not speak English. I am trying to change that by making FHWS multi-lingual so it can reach more people who can relate to Saudi/non-Saudi relationships.

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  4. This is very sad and horrible for both parties because the father and the mother are looking bad and the childrens are paying for what the parets did , this kids shouldnt be passing throw all this instead they should be teach the real true of their cultures and their religion, why can they not be help by annyone ? what if this mothers want help for their kids so they become good muslims or a example of their parents culture in their country ?

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