Interview With Jennifer

Who are you? My name is Jenniffer I am a 34 year old mother of three wonderful children.

Your nationality and country of residence: I am a Caucasian American.

What is your job/hobbies? I am a stay at home mother.

Are you married to a Saudi: No, I am married to a wonderful man who’s love and support still amazes me.

When/where did you meet your Saudi? Over five years ago while I was working at a local cellular phone company. I had the privilege of meeting Sultan and the whirlwind romance began……Ugh. I was so naive.

Did your family accept your Saudi? No, amazingly enough my mother was right. I’m sorry Mom. I should have listened.

Did your Saudi’s family accept you? I thought they did. That was a mistake on my part for not getting my information first hand.

Do you have children? Yes 3 amazing little angels. Two girls, and one ornery Saudi boy.

Will your Saudi be involved in raising the child/children? No. Despite all my previous attempts my Saudi has refused all contact with his son, even though he lives 5 minutes away.

However, I admit I am glad he will not be involved in my son’s life. I have everything I need and so does my son. My son calls my husband Daddy and until he is of proper age he will continue to know my husband as the loving father he truly is. I am blessed that my son will not have a large void in his life. Some day my son will have questions that I can not answer, and for that I hope he will have easy access to ask his biological father the questions that all children who who have a missing biological parent want to know.

How do you feel about Saudis and non-Saudis marrying? I think it is wonderful when any human finds love and marriage.

What advice would you give a non-Saudi involved with a Saudi? So you found yourself in love with a Saudi Student…here are a few important things you must know:

Your Saudi will likely return home regardless if he has told you otherwise. They are expected to by there families. They are here to get an education, then go home and get married to a Saudi woman and start their own family. Their plan does not not involve us.

If you are not married to the Saudi AND have met his family ANY sexual relationship you have with your Saudi is forbidden, and these young men know that. Sex before marriage may seem normal to us, but it is NOT the case with them. Actually, to these men the minute they “bed you” any respect they actually had for you is gone and replaced with lust. Please take to time to read The Holy Qur’an to get the answers there, not from your Saudi’s lips.

Does my Saudis family have more than one wife? There is a clue as to how they were raised, and what is considered completely acceptable behavior.

If your Saudi is more involved in the party scene of their new culture than their studies, this is not the Saudi that will take you home to meet Mom and Dad, and not the one who will stay with you.

Find out how your Saudi’s family views you. How do they see you as a woman? Talk with his sisters. Be informed!!!

Dont be afraid to ask questions . If your Saudi refuses your questions, you know he is keeping things from you.

“What happens when I get pregnant and have a child with this Saudi?”, you may ask yourself. “What do I do now?”

First off, thank you for being courageous enough to bring your baby into the world. So many women take the easy way out, and choose not have the child. Thank you for choosing life, as those who have our little Saudi children feel blessed every day and few have regretted the decision to keep their children.

Now for the hard part. Unfortunately, your Saudi may have bailed once or twice by now, possibly throwing accusations of you getting pregnant on purpose, accusing entrapment, blah blah. Dont let that get to you. They know the truth. Some use this as a way of angering you, and trying to make you look bad.

Don’t ignore your gut feeling. When these men have shown their real faces, don’t be that woman that turns a blind eye and later wonders what happened. You’re a mother now, it’s time to be strong and courageous. Show our children what heights we can scale, even on our own.

Get information on your Saudi’s Family. This is important for finding him when he gets home. If you have acess to his driver’s license, passport, school info, etc… GET IT COPIED!!!!! These are the fathers of your children! It is not overstepping to have as much information on the man whose child you are raising.

If you contact his family with this glorious news, don’t expect to be welcomed or accepted. You must understand how these Islamic families see a woman who is pregnant out of wedlock. Sadly, our children will never be considered “part of the family”.

Now that you have suffered through the broken promises and lies, and your Saudi is back in Saudi Arabia, will you hear from him? Dont expect it. The sad truth is that almost all of these men who have become fathers will never contact you or your child because they don’t have to, and there is no one forcing these men to pay any reparations whatsoever. Like the old adage, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”.

If we want to make a difference and see these men held accountable, we must stand together. I invite everyone to join us on the Facebook page to help get the word spread. If we get enough support it will be difficult for KSA to continue to turn a blind eye to these absconding fathers.

How far are you willing to go for your child? Are you ready to stand up and fight for your child’s right to be acknowledged? We can spare our children the pain of silence in 20 years if we stand up now for what is right!!!!
Why do you write? In hopes of uniting women in need who have children with Saudi men who have chosen not to be involved in there children’s lives. Through this I hope to gain support in growing numbers to show how large the problem is. These women need to know that they are not alone.

What are some examples of the main topics you discuss? I talk about the many ways to be better informed on the Saudi culture and the men who come from there.

What benefits do you expect readers to get? I hope to show women everywhere who have come to find themselves in this situation that they are not alone, and that there are others out there, veritable mirror images of themselves, who can offer hope and friendship. Information on contacts in the embassy as well as helping women find financial and medical coverage in the areas they live in.

What are your hopes for the future? I hope to force KSA to give us an answer to our questions as to why this problem continues unchecked.

 

Use this space to write anything else you would like to say: Royal embassy of Saudi Arabia and the The Cultural Attaché Office. Why do all the letters ,e-mails, and calls go unanswerd. Are you oblivious?

I am sure my country thanks you for sending your people here to study, helping the colleges get large sums of money during a time of some recession. Your young men spend money on alcohol, big screen TVs, gaming systems, and, oh yes…. the new flashy car. Again, helping the economy…although most forget to buy books or paper for class.

Our government only has to help with the medical card, food stamps, and WIC, but hey… fair trade.. Your young men get the education while our women get left with a lifetime reminder of a bad Saudi man. Is this the image you wish to continue to portray?

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Published by

Tara Umm Omar

American married to a Saudi.

12 thoughts on “Interview With Jennifer”

  1. Keep going Jenniffer… You have been doing a wonderful job. Hopefully, one day our questions will be answered by the Saudi government or at least by our “boyfriends” who had left us and their children. I wish in the same way the government are helping women who were married with a Saudi and left behind with children they help the children born out of wedlock, because they have exactly the same right as other children to live a normal life, and to be provide with good education, emotional, and financial support.

    People don’t misunderstand me, this is not about money, this is about get the right of our children to have a father to share memories. And obviously, i don’t think this men can live in peace knowing that they left children behind.

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  2. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant with a Saudi baby. I am so confused and so very scared. I really don’t know what I am going to do. My Saudi and I have been together for 3 years. We lived together for almost 2 of those years. I never imagined I would get pregnant because I was told I would never be able to have any more children. I used precaution anyway just in case a miracle happened. I was put on antibiotics which made the b/c pills not work. I really didn’t think it mattered because I couldn’t get pregnant anyway. Well, I was wrong, and I was also shocked when the e.r. dr told me I was pregnant. Then the man of my dreams became someone I never knew existed. Everyday he tells me he hates me and he prays every day for me to die because I refuse to have an abortion. My family does not believe in abortion, but they also don’t want me to keep the baby because they never approved of this relationship and they hated the fact he was Arabic; therefore, they continuously beg for me to give the baby up for adoption. I don’t want to do that either, but I do respect the fact that raising this baby on my own is going to be extremely difficult. The stress of all of this has already caused serious concern to my dr because the stress has led to preeclampsia. Neither my family nor my Saudi seem to care. I wish everyone would just leave me alone and let me figure this out myself and let ME decide what I want to do. I also wish I had someone to tell me what struggles lie ahead. I do not know of anyone in a situation similar to mine because I have never met an American woman pregnant with a Saudi baby. I am a Christian, but I do feel my baby should know and respect his heritage, culture, and religion; however, I have no idea on how to go about that when there is nobody around to help me teach my baby about his heritage. I have so many questions about so many things!! How did you deal with your pregnancy and your fears and questions asked by your family/friends/ and the child himself???

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    1. Hi Dawn. I understand the situation you are in, and there are going to be some rough times ahead. There are no magic words that can make the journey any easier for you, but rest assured that the destination is well worth it. I don’t know if your Saudi man is still in your life in any way, shape or form, but one way or another you have to decide whether or not you will need to pursue him for child support. If you think he may ( or already has ) abandon you, you need to gather as much information on him as you can so that you can report the situation to the Saudi Embassy ( I have the number if you need it) and the local government. You also need to surround yourself with whatever support you can. Being alone right now can put you in a very dark place, and having a family member, or barring that, a friend who can support you enough to give you a chance to talk can help immensely. Your family does still love you, but even the most well meaning people can say hurtful things without it being their intention, and you certainly don’t need any additional stress. There are people out there who care. I’m one of them. But above all else, remember the light at the end of the tunnel. The gift of a child is a miracle, one that I hope you can enjoy for years to come.

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    2. Dear Dawn,

      My name is Andrea, revert Muslim, and I also a mother of a Saudi newborn. When i was reading your story i remembered my personal story with my boyfriend. I want you to know that you are not alone, outside there is many many many woman pregnant or left behind with a baby. I bet you have a mixture of feeling right now more because the bunch of stupid things your boyfriend is saying. Do not believe what he is saying to you, as Muslim he is committing a great sin to desire your death (Well I guess in all the religions or beliefs will be a sin).

      I am also wondering why your family does not want you to keep your child? it is just because they never approved your relationship and the fact he was Arabic? I am so sorry if I am being nosy. I am agreed with you in the fact the raising a child alone is so difficult but is not impossible, also you are not the first and won’t be the last girl in this situation. In my personal case, I am taking care of my son completely alone, I have not close family with me just my aunt who is working 12 hours so she don’t help me at all… The father of my baby is now in other state and he has not helping me in any way (neither emotional or financial) and my friends are in other state because i moved when he left to KSA, so imagine i spent ALL my pregnancy alone (well the last 6 months because he was with me the first months) and now i am spending the same with my baby, but this is going to end soon, Inshallah. So do not worry about being alone with your baby because he/she will give you courage to face life and fight to providing the best. But at the end is your decision and nobody has the right to tell you what you have to do, the benefits or cons will be just for you not for any of them.

      In the same way of you, I had developed so many difficulties during my pregnancy because i was so stressed, desperated, depressed, crying all the time, and all that kind of feeling that you might feeling now, so i developed placenta previa plus a high anemia. If anyone ask me if i had enjoyed my pregnancy I can truly say NO, and I really regret because having the privilege to carrying a child in your womb for 9 months and being a mother is a great blessing, and ANY man is not worth it to change this amazing feeling. I urge to take care of yourself, think in yourself before others, and do not pay attention to the people, because people is going to say many things but at the end some of their “advices” will not be helpful.

      And if you let me give you some advice I will tell you this: if your Saudi do not want the baby and asked you to commit an abortion he will not change his mine. If you already decided to keep your baby (despite his future) stay away from your boyfriend for the welfare of you and your unborn baby. Do not misunderstand me, i am not judging you… I am just telling you this because until this day I am dealing with my boyfriend but in my case the situation is completely different. I just do not think is healthy to be listening to all his stupid things, and there is not reason to keep contact with him if he desire you die and if he is not bringing you joy and peace when you most need him. I know it is not easy to let him go, so far I could not leave mine (but as I told you my situation is different), if you can do it for yourself do it for your baby, as i told you he/she will give you courage.

      As you i have so many unanswered questions but everyday i am learning more and more. Do not hesitate to contact me when ever you want, i will be more than happy to help you because i can feel the hearth ache you are going through but remember you are not alone beginning because you have a huge blessing in your womb and God won’t leave you alone.

      May God give you peace and wisdom to make good decisions.

      Sincerely,

      Andrea

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  3. Assalamu alaikum,

    Jennifer I just want to say thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless! I too was abandoned after becoming pregnant, and although my baby’s father is not Saudi (he’s Moroccan), I am still grateful for having this blog to get me through these days. Seeing the stories of so many women who are going through the same thing helps me to deal with the loneliness, frustration and pain of this betrayal. May Allah swt hear our doaas and help us to succeed in raising kind and decent people.

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    1. I certainly appreciate the comment. The moments like these when you realize that there are people out there that have been helped, however little, by the words of others with a common problem are the ones that make all the trouble worth while.

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  4. am sorry about that girls am a saudi student and i hear that a lot of guys made girls preg so this is really sad am really sorry and GOD with you all and ur babies
    csusb

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  5. Consider yourself lucky your Saudi ex doesn’t want anything to do with your child. Mine won’t leave us alone, and I’m scared he’s going to try to take my baby when he “visits” in 2 weeks. My ex owes me $2000 in back child support, ordered by a judge, but unenforceable by FSR due to his lack of SSN. But I’d rather have him completely out of out lives than any acknowledgement or sum of money. Nobody seems able-willing to help.

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    1. i have a son with a saudi man his name is mansour fahad aldousary i met him in dublin he was at university year 1977 to 1981 i met him in night club i was 17 he was 27 love at first sight we lived together right away i fell pregnant year 81 i wanted abortion he said no it was our child he went back 2 saudi as his course was finished he came back when his son was born my son will be 31 on the 19.1 13 when in dublin we agreed we could never be together because of or different backgrounds and he said his family would never accept me and he liked different women but we would keep in touch he would look after his son for the first year we wrote and he phone me once a month then out of the blue i can a letter telling me he could not live with out me and was coming to get me and his son but he was in jail and was getting out in 6 months time but there was no address on it so i wrote to his box number but no reply that was the last time i heard from him i went on 2 marry and had 3 daughters i still think love and think of mansour every day i have tried every thing 2 find him no one will help once u say saudi thats it they dont want 2 no would love 2 know what happed to him i wish him health and happeness

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