Saudi Woman Wishes Death On Her Brother So That She Can Be Free To Marry A Non-Saudi Man (Italian Translation)

deathwishThe FHWS newsletter for 14 January – 1 February 2013 has been sent out. Directions for receiving the newsletter are located here

It is a sad day when a woman thinks the only solution to being able to marry the man of her choice is that her brother dies. These thoughts are born out of desperation and under the weight of oppression but insha’Allah she does not really mean what she says. May Allah protect her from the evil was-was of the shayateen ameen. I will let this contributor’s story speak for itself and you, the reader, be the judge. And then counsel her as to what her recourse should be. Insha’Allah someone can help her: legally, connect her with a wasta or even a lift her spirits with kind words of advice and support. 

Thank you! Tara Umm Omar

I am a Saudi woman, born and raised in Saudi Arabia. I teach at a college here. My father passed away when I was a child. My guardian now is my elder brother who does not treat me well. My family is very tribal and they believe in marriages only inside the tribe.

I wish to marry a non-Saudi man (he was born and raised in Saudi) whom I know well since many years. He is a well educated and a respectable Muslim and he wishes to marry me too.

I have desperately tried to contact many lawyers and religious sheikhs during the past five years seeking legal support that would help me get married. So far no success. They come back to me saying it’s not possible to marry without permission of your guardian brother especially because the person you wish to marry is a Non-Saudi. They say it would have been possible to fight in the court if the man I wished to marry was Saudi.

Knowing the mentality of my family well, I am certain my brother will never agree. In fact, if he finds out, he will make my life miserable and can cause harm to the person I want to marry. For this reason, I am afraid to approach my family until I secure a legal support.

I thought of leaving the Kingdom to get married outside but it’s not possible to exit without my guardian’s permission. He will never grant me this permission.

I have run out of solutions and ideas. I am very tired and depressed after trying all these years. I fell in love with the man I want to marry because he has always been so patient and supportive all these years. Now, the only thing I can wish for is that my brother dies so I get my freedom to choose my husband.

I pray that you have a solution to my misery. Thank you Tara

Photo credit: Tara Umm Omar


Donna Saudita Augura La Morte A Suo Fratello Per Poter Essere Libera Di Sposare Un Non-Saudita
Traduzione Italiana di A.P.

Sono una donna saudita, nata e cresciuta in Arabia Saudita. Insegno in un college. Mio padre è morto quando ero bambina. Il mio tutore legale adesso è mio fratello maggiore, che non mi tratta bene. La mia famiglia è molto tribale e crede solo ai matrimoni interni alla tribù.

Desidero sposare un uomo non-saudita (nato e cresciuto in Arabia Saudita) che conosco bene da molti anni. Lui ha un buon livello di istruzione, è un musulmano rispettabile e anche lui desidera sposarmi.

Ho tentato disperatamente di contattare molti avvocati e religiosi nel corso degli ultimi cinque anni alla ricerca di un supporto legale che mi aiuti a sposarmi. Finora nessun risultato. Mi dicono che non mi posso sposare senza il permesso del mio tutore, specialmente perchè la persona che desidero sposare è un non-saudita. Mi dicono che si sarebbe potuto portare il caso in tribunale se l’uomo che voglio sposare fosse stato saudita.

Conoscendo bene la mentalità della mia famiglia, sono certa che mio fratello non acconsentirà mai. Infatti se mi scopre renderà la mia vita infelice e può fare del male alla persona che voglio sposare. Per questo motivo ho paura di rivolgermi alla mia famiglia prima di essermi assicurata un supporto legale.

Ho pensato di andarmene dall’Arabia Saudita per sposarmi all’estero, ma non è possibile lasciare il paese senza il permesso del mio tutore. Lui non mi darà mai questo permesso.

Sono rimasta a corto di soluzioni e idee. Sono molto stanca e depressa dopo tutti i tentativi di questi anni. Mi sono innamorata dell’uomo che voglio sposare perchè lui è stato sempre paziente e mi ha appoggiata in tutti questi anni. Adesso l’unica cosa che mi auguro è che mio fratello muoia così che io sia libera di scegliere mio marito.

Prego che tu abbia una soluzione per la mia infelice situazione. Grazie Tara.



Published by

Tara Umm Omar

American married to a Saudi.

7 thoughts on “Saudi Woman Wishes Death On Her Brother So That She Can Be Free To Marry A Non-Saudi Man (Italian Translation)”

  1. The approval of a male guardian unfortunately is a must in Islam if the girl was never married before regardless of the nationality of the man she wishes to marry. However, guardianship can be transferred to another member of the family or the judge or the government if the current guardian proved unworthy of carrying the amanah of guardianship. I am not very resourceful in law but i am sure if a good lawyer handled her case and she was older than 30 judges will be more understanding. It also differs from a city to another. Defying tribal traditions for example in Jeddah is easy while it could be impossible in smaller cities.

    She wishes for the death of her brother to be able to marry the man she wants while her brother doesn’t even know that this guy wants to marry her. isn’t it unfair? shouldn’t she try first before jumping to assumptions even if she is 100% sure. She never knows what Allah has for her. I know women who fought for over 10 years to marry the men they loved and they kept trying and fighting until Allah granted their wishes.

    If Allah wants this man to be your husband he will be even if a whole nation was against it.


  2. Thank you for your comment Maya. I know my family really well, I am not making any assumptions. Approaching my brother without securing a back up plan is like jumping in fire. Ignoring this fact will lead to terrible consequences.

    I spoke to a senior judge last week in Shargiyah (Eastern province). Unfortunately he said decision will be taken in favor of my family and he ended the call by saying “May Allah help you”. The system here favors and protects tribal mentality.
    So far, I see no way I will be able to marry a non-saudi unless I am a divorcee which is ridiculous. Only a divorcee or a disabled has the freedom to choose her husband.
    Waiting till I reach 30 years old wont help either in my case. My brother has to agree but he never will to protect the ‘dignity’ and ‘honor’ of our tribe. He would rather see me single for the rest of my life serving my family as a maid. This is exactly how they think.
    I have lost hope in the Saudi legal system, women have no rights here.

    My case seems impossible but I will keep fighting because I will not marry anyone else but him.

    I really appreciate all your advice and suggestions, please keep them coming.
    May Allah bless us all and accept our prayers. Ameen


    1. Assalaamu 3lykum, 7beebty, Ya u5ti Fe Llah…

      Before looking at your downfalls, look at what you have…
      You live in an Islamic state, as a woman you are respected and are “free”, I have lived in UK and KSA, honestly! KSA as a woman you are respected, I do not feel safe even on the roads with my face and body covered here in UK.
      Okay, to the point, I am no 8a’9, judge… but listen my dear sister in Islaam, What does Allah say in the Qur’aan?..Wa yamkoroona Wa Yamkur Allah..WALLAHU KHAIR ALMAAKIREEN…

      Maybe you dislike the situation, but indeed Allah knows what is best for you…

      We say, Qadr Allah Wa Ma Sha’a Fa3l… this is true… but we need to put it into practice…

      Our Eemaan, faith is weak…. do we not rely upon Allah? Indeed if there was good in this matter, then Allah would have not prevented you… the creator of you.. the creator surely knows His creation better then what the creation knows of itself….

      The ties of kinship come directly after belief in Alllah…. look in the qur’aan.. you are in a blessed city where you hear these blessed verses recited everywhere.. surely you must have realised the structure in which the qur’aan has mentioned birr alwaalidayn and directly before is …Alaa tushrku billahi shy’aaa….

      Yes, this obstacle.. shows the jihaala.. ignorance of your brother… by Allah, if you pray to Allah and He wishes for your brother to be guided it will happen… if not.. know as a Believer.. this world is a prison for you and the true and the real abode for the believers is the next world.. and indeed that is the world where the believer meets the Lord and resides in the gardens of paradise… May Allah make us among them…

      Reflect on your situation and seek the Lord’s help and indeed if not now…. then sooner or in the next life will you see the reaping fruits of your supplication EnshAllah.

      I hope you benefit EnshAllah.

      you may contact me. just comment on my bog or however it works… LOL

      Sarah xx


      1. Dear Sarah 1416,
        Thank you for your reply. I respectfully and completely disagree with your view.

        For your info, there is woman harassment in KSA. KSA is no heaven, women get harassed here frequently despite wearing Hijab. So it is wrong to think that women are respected and are safe in KSA. Women don’t have many rights here, maybe if you were in a tribal Saudi family, only then you would understand the difficulties that are imposed on us due to our culture. Our culture forms the basis of most rules here. Our culture in most cases supersedes our religion. We just use religion to sugar coat our culture. Most aspects of our culture don’t even comply with Islamic teachings of the Prophet.

        Yes I believe that Allah knows what’s best for you. But that does not mean you give up and just leave it to Allah. You need to try your best and then pray to God. I don’t believe my Eeman is weak. I rely on Allah to help me get married to this man and put khair in this man and in this marriage. This world is not made for us to give up on our dreams and think our chair is in the next life. I don’t believe in giving up for your right and I will never give up for my right.
        Praying is not enough, you need to try and keep trying. Allah did not create this life for us to give up and just pray for next life. That’s why I put my story on this website, to find a way. I don’t need advice from people asking me to pray, that’s the weakest advice…”Do nothing, just pray and hope for better after life”. Of course I pray but at the same time I am trying to find a solution.

        So please, if anyone has a solution in mind, please share. Thanks


    2. I just came across your reply, may Allah help you i really understand what you are going through.
      I noticed from your reply that you are in your 20’s and thats really good, you are still young and still have time to fight for what you want.

      I have many friends who had similar experiences each with her own complications and story and i will mention one of these stories.

      They were in love 12 years ago and he was getting ready to propose to her dad when her parents found out about her phone calls with him and they were a very strict family. She was almost jailed in her room, no work, no friends, no going out nothing! her mom and dad rejected the guy and said you will never marry him even if he was the last human on earth. They didnt give up and they both kept trying and praying to Allah until few months ago the girl’s uncle and her father’s older brother heard about it. He went to her dad and told him fear god in your daughter and let them get married. Her dad out of respect and embarrassment from breaking his brother’s word agreed and they got married.

      Why am i mentioning her story? bcoz “ما شاء الله كان و ما لم يشأ لم يكن”

      واعلم أن الأمة لو اجتمعوا على أن ينفعوك لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك، ولو اجتمعوا على أن يضروك لم يضروك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك، رفعت الأقلام وجفت الصحف ـ رواه الترمذي


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