Saudi Woman Wants To Marry A Non-Saudi

779ca28e624dd5036b0f6a7067006db6Anyone interested is advised to review the new rules for marriage between a Saudi woman and non-Saudi man to make sure they qualify for permission. Contact me by email for further details: taraummomar at hotmail dot com. Please feel free to share this with others. Thank you and best wishes!

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I believe no one will know what I’m looking for in a husband better than me. So, I’m posting this with the help and encouragement of my friend Tara Umm Omar.

Age: 38

Marital status: divorced

Children: none (would like children insha’Allah)

Education: Master’s Degree

About me:

I’m a well-educated Saudi girl, open-minded, optimistic and a happy person. I’m adventurous by nature and I like a simple life. Alhamdulillah I’m someone who enjoys life to the fullest, within Islamic limits, of course. I respect my religion, alhamdulillah, and do my best to be a good Muslimah. Actually, I did turn down many offers because I’m not looking to get married just for the sake of being married. If I don’t find a good match, I prefer to stay single. For me, marriage is an interesting journey that ends up in paradise insha’Allah. My main concern is that the one who I get married to is someone compatible with me, mature, honest and a good Muslim with good manners. Most importantly, I’m not for polygamy.

Just for clarification:

I want to marry for the deen and not for culture. Please don’t get me wrong, I do respect and appreciate Saudi and Arab men in general. But I believe my mentality and the way I see life and marriage doesn’t go well with them. There would be clashes and Allah knows best. Moreover, each person in this life has the right to look for what suits him best.

What I’m looking for:

I’d like to marry a Muslim man, preferably an American or Canadian who currently resides in Saudi Arabia. Someone who cares very much about Islam, prays his 5 prayers and maintains his life based on Qur’an and Sunnah. I want a mature honest man whom I can depend on after Allah Almighty. He is open-minded, respects women and knows how to deal with his wife. He has a sense of humor and knows how to enjoy life. Regarding his age, I am open to marrying someone younger than me as long as he is responsible, mature and a real man. But not older than 40 years (I can explain more later). Please no smokers.

My expectations:

I’m a real woman for a real man insha’Allah. A real man seeks a best friend and a partner, not a maid. He doesn’t need her to cook and clean after him because he is independent. Should something happen to his wife, he is able to do anything by himself because he is no mama’s boy. He doesn’t stop his woman from pursuing her dreams. He doesn’t set goals for her such as being only a housewife. He supports her in everything and is not afraid of her intellect, dignity, self-confidence and independence. He looks for an independent woman because he knows should anything happen to him, everything will be fine because his woman is able to deal with anything on her own. He is not afraid to ask her for her opinion, appreciates and listens to good discussions. He does not have an attitude that “I’m always right”, regardless of the subject. He is ready and able to consider every situation from many different angles and make a good decision. He is not shy to roll up his sleeves and wash the dishes, make dinner or do the vacuuming. He is not afraid or too lazy to do anything around the house that should be done not because he is “helping out” his wife but because he lives in the same house with his wife. He is smart enough to know how to communicate with his wife, to sense a problem before it happens and to kindly resolve any misunderstanding that happens for whatever reason. Also, he is aware of and cares about his wife’s intimate needs and does his best to keep her satisfied. He never says anything negative about his wife, not to his friends, family, neighbors or anyone. If he has any complaints, he explains to his wife in a kind way so she completely understands his viewpoint. If he is reasonable and his views are convincing then she is reasonable enough to accept and do her best to make amends.

A real woman does not need a man because she needs money, she has her own passion and makes her own money. She doesn’t need money, jewelry, expensive clothes, cars or make-up to feel that her man appreciates and values her. She needs a man and partner but most importantly, a best friend who will consider her opinion as important as his and who understands her dreams and fears. She is ready to do anything to make her man happy, be it making some popcorn for him at midnight or running with him 10 laps around the area. She respects him in every aspect and would never humiliate him when alone or in front of other people (especially the latter). She is aware that respect is the most important thing in their relationship. She knows she should show appreciation for his patience and understanding of the things he does to make her happy. She knows that the best way to reward his initiative and actions, etc., is by stating her appreciation loudly and clearly. Any time there is a misunderstanding, she kindly and patiently explains the problem, its cause and effect and suggests possible solutions.

Real men and real women know that a conflict is pointless when they don’t learn a lesson from it. Every time a conflict arises, they will realize their mistakes and make sure that they will not repeat the same mistake. They know that being angry for stupid, little things without valid reasons, poisons the relationship and so they avoid that at all cost. They know that, at the end of the day, no matter how hard or long it may be, they are to hug each other before falling asleep. When criticizing each other, they both know they should do it only in private, in the most kind and open way, making sure to gather the right arguments and presenting them clearly and eloquently. And absolutely not in the moment they meet first time after a long day at work, after some stressful event or long trip, etc.

They are aware that this life is short and they don’t know how long they will stay together as only Allah, subhanAllahu wa ta’ala, knows how many days each person has on this earth. So they appreciate every moment together, making them great moments and some time later, great memories.

No one is perfect and I’m not trying to idealize myself but, ahamdulillah, I’m confident that I can make a good wife and expect the same from my future partner insha’Allah.

Photo Credit: Yahoo! News

Judges Acting As Guardians In The Marriages Of Saudi And Non-Saudi Women

photocreditinlightpressSaudi Judges Help 394 Filipinas Get Married
Gulf News | Manama
By Habib Toumi, Bureau Chief
23 August 2016

Judges in Saudi Arabia helped 394 Filipinas get married by acting as their guardians in 2015, official records show.

Under Saudi laws, a woman can get married after a guardian — usually her father or brother — approves the wedding.

However, in case the guardian is absent or does not approve the union, a judge may step in and assume the guardianship.

According to the figures released by the justice ministry, judges acted as guardians last year in 517 wedding contracts, with Filipinas representing the vast majority.

The figures showed that judges helped 16 Saudi women get married through their guardianship.

Three of the Saudi women married Filipinos, and three others married Syrians, while in the other marriages, the husbands were from Egypt, Jordan, India, the US and Yemen.

Foreigners make up around one-third of the total population of Saudi Arabia estimated at 30 million people.

The justice ministry said there were 4,983 divorces in 2015 — attributed mainly to irreconcilable differences, problems with spouses, the long absence of the husband, the imprisonment of a spouse or difficulties in consummating the marriage.

According to the figures, 4,425 Saudi couples were divorced last year.

Photo Credit: In Light Press

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“Expired” Saudi Women Are Increasingly Gravitating Towards Marrying Non-Saudi Men

photocreditfineartamericaWith Relationships, We Find Happiness In Our Own Way
By Rym Ghazal
The National – Opinion
20 July 2016

“I just got so tired of Arab men and their games.”

This month, a Saudi friend announced that she is marrying an American man. She is one of seven friends who, over the past two years, have found love and the man of their dreams outside their community and culture.

She is the third to marry an American. Two others married Italians, one married a French man and the other married a Canadian.

While we shouldn’t really be making a big deal of nationalities, what is interesting is that all of these women were in their thirties and had been marked “expired” by their families. And, quite openly and rudely, they were told by some Arab men they had met that they were too old to be valued as a potential wife.

Of course, it is more complicated than simple matters of age and backgrounds, and we probably shouldn’t generalise – there are many, many happy marriages between Arabs – but there is something here to explore.

By no means can we say that this is something new, given that older female members of my own family have married European men. At the same time, there are no proper statistics on this for us to be able to make sweeping statements such as “more and more Arab women are marrying non-Arabs”.

The high-profile marriage of Lebanese lawyer Amal Alamuddin to the American actor George Clooney in 2014 brought some of these discussions to light. At the time, she was in her thirties, quite independent and strong – and these were given as reasons why Clooney appreciated her.

Taking a step back, I have heard over and over again that women who have worked hard and are pioneers in their own rights have difficulty finding partners who appreciate them as they are.

“I feel I am constantly being assessed if I am worthy of becoming his wife,” said a friend who ended up marrying an Italian man.

“My husband loves me as I am. And those things my Arab ex didn’t like or took for granted, my husband loves and appreciates,” she says.

She, like my other friends who married foreigners, said that she felt she could be herself around her husband.

What is interesting is that I have also heard this from Arab men who married foreigners. They even admit they treat the foreign women better than they did their Arab exes. Why do that? Why do we put on masks and act out roles when we are around someone from our own nationality or background?

Arab men have been marrying women from different backgrounds for centuries, but Arab women have generally stayed within their own circles. The few rebellious ones who married outside their culture had to make great sacrifices.

I am all for mixing nationalities, because I come from a mixed background. I find that embracing differences and loving someone for their hearts and who they are is more important than how they “should be” or how they are on paper. But each to their own; people find happiness in their own special way.

Last week I addressed the issue of “uqdet el khawaja” (the foreigner complex), referring to how some Arabs appear to prefer to work with and buy from foreigners rather than from their own people. While many hate to admit it exists, it even makes an appearance when we are looking for partners.

It should not come as a surprise, given this phenomenon, that some Arabs seek to marry outside of the culture.

These are sensitive issues and difficult to discuss without ruffling feathers. Whatever the case, it is not only Arabs who think that certain marriages can change their lives for the better. Ultimately, it is really all in our heads and only we can start to change that.

rghazal@thenational.ae

Twitter:@Arabianmau

Photo Credit: Fine Art America

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Saudi Men Who Cook

photocreditgurkangencProud to be married to a Saudi man that cooks and loves it masha’Allah. Also taking this opportunity to promote the restaurant of my husband’s friend, Hamporsche in Riyadh and a unique one I found that reminds me of my Louisiana roots, Creole Restaurant & Cafe in Al-Khobar.

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Cooking By Men
By Lamya Baeshen
Saudi Gazette | Al-Madina
28 June 2016

In “Clash of Civilizations” episode in Selfie2 serial, a Saudi man married to a Saudi American woman impressed by her charm and beauty, thought of breaking the relationship when she told him openly that she did not know cooking and asked him to cook the food she likes the most.

The man got angry as he took it as a humiliation. He shouted at his wife and her father telling he is a man of the orient and does not know cooking and considered cooking as the duty of woman. But the man sacrificed his honor in lieu of her beauty and backed down from his statement.

On Snapchat I follow activities of a number of Saudi scholarship students who pursue their studies abroad. I found them going to market and purchase vegetables, meat and rice and then they will upload pictures of how they prepare food for them using these ingredients.

Of course, they cut onion and tomato, boil water and fry things. They cook everything not only kabsa. They send video clips of cooking to other friends who follow them on Snapchat. Sometimes they show their joint cooking exercise expressing extreme happiness. While various types of food get ready on the stove, these young men sing and dance, expressing their joy and excitement.

Every mother will be worried about her son who has gone abroad for studies thinking he would die of hunger or his stomach would have got trouble eating hamburgers. But this is not always true. Many boys and girls have learned how to prepare various delicious and hygienic dishes.

Young men often go for desert camps in groups and stay away from homes for days. They show their cooking skills by preparing various types of food.
They also make salads and desserts. There are some young men who do not have any shame in telling others that they can cook well. Some of them have attended courses in well known cooking schools of US and Europe and tell the world that they are professional cooks. Many of them appear on TV channels to display their cooking skills.

The man from the orient, if married to a foreign woman, will not find it difficult to prepare food for his small family, especially when he loves to eat a special type of food which his wife is unable to prepare. He will not face any trouble in helping his wife in cooking any type of food. But when a foreign man is married to an orient woman, things would be quite different.

While staying abroad a Saudi student will be doing all jobs at his home such as cleaning, washing and cooking even if he is married to a Saudi woman. But when he returns to the Kingdom, he asks her to do all those works and relaxes in the sofa claiming he is an orient man and does not know cooking.

In all restaurants of the orient you can see men are the main cooks. Similarly, a majority of laundry workers and sweepers of public facilities are men. But when these men reach their homes, they ask their women to do these jobs as if they are made for it and suit their nature. Many men think that if they support women in cooking it would affect their honor.

When women go out to work, there are people who accuse them of snatching away the jobs of men. At the same time we see men have achieved professional experience in many jobs that are suitable for women. They do business by cooking and make good profits.

Many women do the cooking job inside the four walls of their kitchen as if it is her family duty. That too without any material compensation or receiving any respect.

Some experts would come to assess women’s contribution to a country’s progress and say they did not have any in the progress of humanity and they did not make any valuable achievement even in matters in which she is specialized such as cooking and designing.

Eastern men, mostly, do not cook except in the absence of wives and they explore business opportunities where they transform cooking into a profitable venture.

Photo Credit: Gurkan Genc

Further Reading: Documentary, “Saudi Arabia Cooks”

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Book: Saudi Montana

photocreditarabnewsMr. Al-Rabiah’s book, consisting of 260 pages, is available for free download on Amazon.

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Saudi Narrates His Custody Battle With American Ex-Wife
By Sultan Al-Sughair
27 March 2016
Arab News | Al-Khobar

When a Middle Eastern man falls in love with an American woman, not only do their cultures clash, but they also embark on a whirlwind adventure that spans continents and countries. If their relationship ultimately fails, a custody battle over the couple’s children sparks a series of lies, outright deceptions, and may even lead to international kidnappings.

“Saudi Montana” is the title of a true story of the marital relationship and subsequent child custody battle between Ibrahim Al-Rabiah, a Saudi citizen, and his ex-wife Jennifer, an American.

On the surface, there are many differences between life in Saudi Arabia and America, and many people would say that a marital relationship between people from two such different cultures would never last in the first place.

However, “Saudi Montana” shows that while the cultures are different, people in general are much the same. “We all love; we all hurt, and we all will do whatever we can for the welfare of our children. Such was the story between Jennifer and me,” said Al-Rabiah.

“Saudi Montana” reads like a novel and takes the reader through various stages of his life and relationship with his ex-wife. It shows not only the trying times that spoiled their union, but also the happy times and how, despite their cultural differences, they were compatible, at least for a while.

Al-Rabiah said: “Like most tragic romances between people of different cultures who start a family, ‘Saudi Montana’ also details the custody battle Jennifer and I went through for our three children. Yet, the story stands alone in two important ways. First, I do not hide the fact that we both acted irrationally at times, and the story portrays the less than honorable things we both did to gain custody of our children, and those things include both lying and kidnapping.”

“The book tells in detail how a father gained custody of his children through the American legal system. In fact, finding a lawyer to represent me was a trying ordeal. The result is a story that shows the sometimes unspeakable acts parents will commit for their children — all in the name of love.

Although I currently live in Saudi Arabia, the story is geared to an American market.”

“In the events of the story, there are tragedies, sadness and extreme emotions such as anger; also kidnapping children, fighting, and accusations of mistreatment. In the end, the court decided to grant me custody of my children,” he said.

Photo Credit: Arab News

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Saudi Woman Married To American Endures Racism

photocreditarabnews
Nawal Al-Hawsawi

It is a shame that racism and tribalism exist in a Muslim country. Prejudice towards a certain race or tribe has no place in Islam. Its ludicrous when a woman who helps empower others is put down for her appearance and background. But you can’t hold a good woman down! May Allah grant Nawal the strength to fight the good fight ameen.

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Black Saudi Woman Activist Faces Death Threats
By Hussam Al-Mayman
Arab News | Riyadh
5 January 2016

A well-known black Saudi woman, who is a family counselor and pilot, has been targeted online by racists, including with images of monkeys and gorillas, questions raised about her citizenship, and death threats.

Nawal Al-Hawsawi said that her work to help victims of domestic violence on social media, including 50,000 followers on Twitter, has been the target of mainly racist men who appear to hate women, foreigners and those who are not members of certain tribes. “In addition, pictures of my family and children have been leaked, threatening their safety.”

Al-Hawsawi said the most recent attack was launched by someone who goes by the name “Saudi Conscience” and operates under the Twitter handle @saudi100d100. He and his followers have blamed foreigners for various socioeconomic problems, including unemployment and gasoline and electricity price increases, she said.

They are a self-proclaimed “National Guard,” divide the country into three groups: “Original Saudis” (certain Bedouin tribes), “Vomit of the Seas Saudis” (Saudis of foreign descent or Saudis that are not members of certain Bedouin tribes), and “Strangers” (all legal residents and foreigners in Saudi Arabia).

They have called for the deportation of all “Strangers,” and for the citizenship of those who are not supposedly “pure” Saudis to be revoked, in addition to immediate deportation.

She said her work is a threat to the “hate agenda” of these Saudi “neo-Nazis.” “I represent everything that they hate. I am a Saudi married to an American and they are openly anti-American. My husband is white and they condemn inter-racial marriages. I am black and they believe all black people are slaves who should ‘remain in their place.’”

“I am a native Saudi from Al-Hijaz, born and raised in Makkah, and they believe people from Al-Hijaz are not real Saudis. I am a Ph.D. student, but they claim that women are not intelligent and shouldn’t be allowed to work. I also hold an FAA pilot’s license while living in a country that does not allow women to drive cars.

“They don’t like to see a strong woman standing up for women’s empowerment, undermining their misogynistic and gynophobic platform. They have successfully bullied many activists into silence in the past and they are trying to intimidate me. But they picked on the wrong person,” Al-Hawsawi said.

Al-Hawsawi said she has filed a complaint with the authorities about the death threats and the comments under the country’s Anti-Cyber Crime Law, overseen by the Communications and Information Technology Commission.

Some of her tweets that have been attacked include a message received from a Pakistani resident who was born and raised in Saudi Arabia and wanted to marry a Saudi, but her brothers objected because of the nationality of the groom.

She also posted a question received from a Saudi teacher being physically abused by her unemployed brother, who had forced her to give him money by taking out bank loans and buy him a car. He had also refused to allow her to marry an Egyptian man because of his nationality.

“Again, this was done in the name of protecting the ‘pure lineage.’ With the victim’s permission, I posted pictures of her bruises and injuries sustained when her brother beat her.”

Photo Credit: Arab News