Taqabal Allah minaa wa minkum!
Taqabal Allah minaa wa minkum!
Taqabal Allah minaa wa minkum
May Allah accept our fasting and ibadah throughout this blessed month ameen
Anyone interested is advised to review the new rules for marriage between a Saudi woman and non-Saudi man to make sure they qualify for permission. Contact me by email for further details: taraummomar at hotmail dot com. Please feel free to share this with others. Thank you and best wishes!
I believe no one will know what I’m looking for in a husband better than me. So, I’m posting this with the help and encouragement of my friend Tara Umm Omar.
Marital status: divorced
Children: none (would like children insha’Allah)
Education: Master’s Degree
I’m a well-educated Saudi girl, open-minded, optimistic and a happy person. I’m adventurous by nature and I like a simple life. Alhamdulillah I’m someone who enjoys life to the fullest, within Islamic limits, of course. I respect my religion, alhamdulillah, and do my best to be a good Muslimah. Actually, I did turn down many offers because I’m not looking to get married just for the sake of being married. If I don’t find a good match, I prefer to stay single. For me, marriage is an interesting journey that ends up in paradise insha’Allah. My main concern is that the one who I get married to is someone compatible with me, mature, honest and a good Muslim with good manners. Most importantly, I’m not for polygamy.
Just for clarification:
I want to marry for the deen and not for culture. Please don’t get me wrong, I do respect and appreciate Saudi and Arab men in general. But I believe my mentality and the way I see life and marriage doesn’t go well with them. There would be clashes and Allah knows best. Moreover, each person in this life has the right to look for what suits him best.
What I’m looking for:
I’d like to marry a Muslim man, preferably an American or Canadian who currently resides in Saudi Arabia. Someone who cares very much about Islam, prays his 5 prayers and maintains his life based on Qur’an and Sunnah. I want a mature honest man whom I can depend on after Allah Almighty. He is open-minded, respects women and knows how to deal with his wife. He has a sense of humor and knows how to enjoy life. Regarding his age, I am open to marrying someone younger than me as long as he is responsible, mature and a real man. But not older than 40 years (I can explain more later). Please no smokers.
I’m a real woman for a real man insha’Allah. A real man seeks a best friend and a partner, not a maid. He doesn’t need her to cook and clean after him because he is independent. Should something happen to his wife, he is able to do anything by himself because he is no mama’s boy. He doesn’t stop his woman from pursuing her dreams. He doesn’t set goals for her such as being only a housewife. He supports her in everything and is not afraid of her intellect, dignity, self-confidence and independence. He looks for an independent woman because he knows should anything happen to him, everything will be fine because his woman is able to deal with anything on her own. He is not afraid to ask her for her opinion, appreciates and listens to good discussions. He does not have an attitude that “I’m always right”, regardless of the subject. He is ready and able to consider every situation from many different angles and make a good decision. He is not shy to roll up his sleeves and wash the dishes, make dinner or do the vacuuming. He is not afraid or too lazy to do anything around the house that should be done not because he is “helping out” his wife but because he lives in the same house with his wife. He is smart enough to know how to communicate with his wife, to sense a problem before it happens and to kindly resolve any misunderstanding that happens for whatever reason. Also, he is aware of and cares about his wife’s intimate needs and does his best to keep her satisfied. He never says anything negative about his wife, not to his friends, family, neighbors or anyone. If he has any complaints, he explains to his wife in a kind way so she completely understands his viewpoint. If he is reasonable and his views are convincing then she is reasonable enough to accept and do her best to make amends.
A real woman does not need a man because she needs money, she has her own passion and makes her own money. She doesn’t need money, jewelry, expensive clothes, cars or make-up to feel that her man appreciates and values her. She needs a man and partner but most importantly, a best friend who will consider her opinion as important as his and who understands her dreams and fears. She is ready to do anything to make her man happy, be it making some popcorn for him at midnight or running with him 10 laps around the area. She respects him in every aspect and would never humiliate him when alone or in front of other people (especially the latter). She is aware that respect is the most important thing in their relationship. She knows she should show appreciation for his patience and understanding of the things he does to make her happy. She knows that the best way to reward his initiative and actions, etc., is by stating her appreciation loudly and clearly. Any time there is a misunderstanding, she kindly and patiently explains the problem, its cause and effect and suggests possible solutions.
Real men and real women know that a conflict is pointless when they don’t learn a lesson from it. Every time a conflict arises, they will realize their mistakes and make sure that they will not repeat the same mistake. They know that being angry for stupid, little things without valid reasons, poisons the relationship and so they avoid that at all cost. They know that, at the end of the day, no matter how hard or long it may be, they are to hug each other before falling asleep. When criticizing each other, they both know they should do it only in private, in the most kind and open way, making sure to gather the right arguments and presenting them clearly and eloquently. And absolutely not in the moment they meet first time after a long day at work, after some stressful event or long trip, etc.
They are aware that this life is short and they don’t know how long they will stay together as only Allah, subhanAllahu wa ta’ala, knows how many days each person has on this earth. So they appreciate every moment together, making them great moments and some time later, great memories.
No one is perfect and I’m not trying to idealize myself but, ahamdulillah, I’m confident that I can make a good wife and expect the same from my future partner insha’Allah.
Photo Credit: Yahoo! News
If it was good enough for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to marry a foreigner, why isn’t it good enough for you? Prophet Muhammad’s Mixed And Interfaith Marriages: Safiyyah and Maria
When Saudi Women Marry Foreigners
By Alma Hassoun and Lamia Estatie
6 June 2016
“This is how racism falls”. These are the words of a Saudi man who attended the wedding of his relative, a Saudi bride who married a non-Saudi groom.
Perhaps the man did not know that the very short clip he posted on Twitter – supposedly showing part of the wedding celebrations – would spark a nationwide social media debate covering the kingdom’s social politics, racism and women’s rights.
The clip – whose provenance we could not verify – shows men dancing in a circle, with a traditional Syrian chant heard in the background, apparently marking the union of the Saudi woman and her Syrian beau, supposedly in the Saudi city of Medina. More than 50,000 people have used the hashtag “a woman from the Harb tribe marrying a Syrian man in Medina”. The tribe to which the bride belongs, as well as the nationality of the groom were the major points of contention in the virtual debate.
Some comments on social media were jubilant at the thought of an inter-country marriage: “What happened tonight in Medina is a good example of the Quran verse ‘Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you,'” was one message.
Others discussed the consequences of marrying ‘foreigners’.
“It is her right to marry whom she chooses, but she can’t come later and shout that her husband and children are foreigners and demand that the nationality is given to them. Think well before you take such a decision,” wrote one tweeter.
We know very few details about the couple in question, although the video seems to indicate that they had the blessing of those in attendance.
Many congratulated the couple, expressing their support for the marriage as a means of combating racism and promoting equality between Saudi men and women: “The most important thing is that he is a Muslim. Say ‘no’ to racism. The law should be equal to both man and woman…”
Others pointed to a discrepancy in attitudes towards the different sexes: “It is fine for a Saudi man to get married to a foreign woman, while the opposite case is forbidden. You wouldn’t make a fuss if a Saudi man was the one marrying a foreigner”
There are examples of interracial relationships in the Koran. And one tweeter gave examples from the time of Prophet Mohammad to show that intermarriage was accepted.
“Bilal bin-Rabah al-Habashi [a companion of the Prophet, who came from the country that is now known as Ethiopia] married Hala, from the Quraysh tribe [one of the most respected Arab tribes which controlled Mecca]. Islam took away these ignorant and racist traditions and you are resurrecting them,” wrote a Saudi architecture student.
Many Saudis were angry that the hashtag was even created to discuss such a personal event. However, many others brought to the fore notions of the superiority of some groups over others. Here are a few of the comments we saw.
“Marriage is a whole life; so it is a big mistake for a Saudi girl to marry a foreigner, a ‘Syrian’ specifically.”
“I wish that she becomes the last Saudi woman who marries a foreigner.”
Another Twitter user wrote: “This is not racism. If you have an authentic and noble steed, would you throw her onto a mule? [No], you would maintain her lineage.”
Saudi laws do not prohibit men and women from marrying outside their nationality, but those who choose to do so have to adhere to certain regulations. Similarly, the process of seeking official approval is often lengthy and drawn out.
Dr Hatoon al-Fasi, a Saudi academic, told BBC Trending that one of her female relatives married a non-Saudi and the process took around 18 months as the groom went through “a long check list.”
She also added that if the couple have children they will not have Saudi citizenship. Dr Al-Fasi said: “Only sons have the right to apply for the Saudi citizenship when they turn 18”. However, the children of Saudi women and foreign fathers get similar treatment to Saudi children in education and other sectors in the country, she added. However every year thousands of Saudi women marry non-Saudis from both Arab and non-Arab origins.
Dr Al-Fasi added that tribal divides within the country were an “increasing phenomenon in the Saudi kingdom”. She said that although the Justice Ministry dropped “incompatibility in lineage” as a legitimate reason for divorce, judges are still divorcing Saudi women from their non-Saudi husbands, in absentia, on these grounds.
Due to a system of guardianship of women in Saudi Arabia, relatives, including uncles, are able to get a woman divorced on the grounds that they have have married “outside their lineage”. Last April, a woman claimed in a video that she was forcibly divorced from her Saudi husband on that basis. Although the Saudi authorities later denied this, saying that incompatibility in lineage is not enough reason to grant a divorce.
Photo Credit: BBC
Filipino Looking For His Saudi Father For 15 Years
By Abdul Hannan Tago
Arab News | Riyadh
2 January 2016
A 31-year-old Filipino, Elayan Kris Allafi or “Olayan Al-Afi,” does not know that he bears a Saudi name given by his mother. It was to cherish the memory of her Saudi husband who “abandoned” her years ago.
According to him, his mother met his father in Manila in 1983-84 through a Filipino friend, who was a business partner of his father. He has been searching for his father for 15 years, he said.
“I retained my official name with the hope to see him again, although the Filipino community does not have such a name. Yet, everybody knows my status there as an “Arabian son”.
Allafi, already married, told Arab News that he has been searching for his father when he 17 or 18 years old, and reported the case to the Saudi Embassy in Manila. He has been contacting the embassy off and on but to no avail. “I was told to wait for their call,” he said.
Allafi also visited the Saudi Embassy in Malaysia, where he is now working with all the details. In the absence of any response from his father, he has now switched over to the social networking media, hoping to trace his father.
“I am a Philippines’ citizen, my father left us during my mother’s pregnancy and never came back again. I’ve never seen him and am really very keen to meet him,” said Allafi in his letter to Arab News.
He said he was raised by Christians and has since embraced Islam in 2005 in Malaysia. “The only evidence I have is my father’s “love letter” to my mother with his full name from Riyadh. I am willing to go for DNA testing if required,” he said.
“I named my two children after my Saudi father — Elayan Rasheed Allafi and Zainah Hadiyyah Allafi — to keep his name alive in our memory. Please help me see my father. I am willing to go through every process,” he said.
The Filipino man has been trying to trace his missing father for the last 15 years. As a last resort, he has sought help from Arab News hoping that his dad would one day see “sonrise” and realize what he had been missing for decades.
He is willing to provide photos, old letters and addresses through Arab News to those who could help him.
“I am confident to see my father some day, so that I can visit the Two Holy Mosques with my wife to perform Umrah,” he said from Malaysia.
Photo Credit: Arab News
You are a young non-Saudi woman who is attending university in your native country. One day, you catch the eye of a dashing Saudi class mate and you hold his gaze. For all he knows, you just might be admiring his long eyelashes but to him the eye contact signals that you are interested in him. Because…ego. So he builds up confidence to start talking to you after class or maybe a pick up line comes easy to him as he has done this before. You exchange contact details and go out on that first date. As a non-Muslim, you don’t know that it is not allowed in Islam for a man and woman to have a relationship outside of marriage.
He tells you that he is from Saudi Arabia. He may or may not tell you that he is a Muslim. If the relationship becomes more serious, he will probably start to tell you a few details about his family. Or he will only divulge the identities of certain family members who don’t mind that he has a girlfriend. Usually NOT the parents or other conservative relatives. You begin to become uncomfortable at being kept a secret. Why is he hiding you? You introduced him to your family as soon as it was socially acceptable. Why can’t he reciprocate if you mean something to him. Or do you? That is when the arguments start but you brush the uncertainty aside because you are falling head over heels in love with him. Because he is a sweet talker and treats you like a queen. And because he is exotic and exciting, unlike your fellow countrymen. Because, because, because. You think of a reason to continue the relationship despite your misgivings.
You plan plans together as one year turns into another year. You discuss marriage and go ring shopping. You talk about babies, even picking out the names. At no point does he explain to you that before all of this can turn into a reality, he must get the marriage permit from his government. But seeing as how he is a student studying abroad on a government scholarship, he had previously signed a contract that he would not get married to a non-Saudi. He neglects to inform you of this, thinking that he will marry you after he graduates. Or he conveniently forgets to mention this fact because his intention after finishing school is to bounce.
One circumstance that eclipses the marriage permit, is his family’s acceptance of you. It could be the case that you will find it out after perhaps four years of studying and investing your time and emotions in this man. Are they going to welcome you with open arms or will they reject you? He confesses to you that everyone ganged up against him and is adamant that he not marry a non-Saudi. You don’t realize the extent to which family and his tribe are everything to him and he is loathe to go against their wishes. So he buckles under their pressure and agrees to marry a Saudi woman. The day he tells you, is the day your world collapses around you and it feels like you have been stabbed in the back. Or he may not have had the consideration to tell you at all and just left. Double wound.
As he packs his suitcase, you aren’t too proud to beg him to stay. You track him down in Saudi Arabia and cajole him to come back. You will do anything for him if he would only marry you. Out of desperation, you offer yourself as a second wife. You promise to revert to Islam if that is what it takes. You keep hope alive but as time goes on, your pleas fall on deaf ears or they never reach him. And you hate yourself because you still love him in spite of how much he hurt you.
You search for answers which lead to FHWS and other blogs like this. It begins to dawn on you, the overwhelming information that you were clueless about. That your Saudi withheld or twisted the truth about to protect himself. You read the posts and find out that you aren’t the only one in this situation. That this is what some Saudis are known to do, they enter haram relationships with non-Saudi women and then when it comes time to get married, their family objects to their choice. You realize that they don’t want to fight their family so they give up easily and marry a Saudi. Or you start to wonder that maybe your Saudi is a casanova who just wanted a fling and then to settle down with a “pure” woman. As if he is!
Regardless, whether this Saudi loves you or not, apparently he doesn’t love you enough to fight for you. And if he doesn’t fight for you, why does he deserve your love when he just broke your heart?